Crafting My Way through Crises

It’s been a long time, friends. I haven’t felt motivated to write in months. Doing nothing is exhausting, draining all energy and leaving me sitting here at home watching time slip away. I’ve been at home, sheltering in place from the coronavirus pandemic, since mid-March. I was able to work from home for a while, but when those opportunities ceased, I resigned from my job rather than risk going back to work. I am incredibly fortunate that I have that flexibilty and I do not take it for granted. It was something Bob and I sat down and thought long and hard about, and I think it was the right decision.

I intitally thought I’d get so much done around this house, organizing and cleaning and whipping everything into shape. Nah. Hasn’t happened. I am glad to know it isn’t just me though. Natalie Morris, writing for Metro in the UK, posted about why lockdown is so tiring. There are physical reasons for it:

Dr Diana Gall, from Doctor 4 U, says it’s normal to notice your energy levels flagging when you’re not doing anything.

She says it can become a bit of a cycle. The less you do, the more tired you feel, so the less you do.

‘When you’re lacking any sort of physical activity, and your body spends most of its time in the same position, whether that be sitting or lying down for long periods of time, its ability to take in oxygen decreases and you will notice a huge drop in energy levels and motivation,’ Dr Diana explains.

‘The reason you feel tired, lethargic and lazy after doing nothing is simply because you’re allowing your body to feel that way as it is tired from the lack of stimulation and movement that it is used to.’

She says that if you aren’t keeping active, less oxygen will be getting to the blood which will increase the feeling of tiredness, which could also leave you feeling sluggish and irritable. Not great if you’re trying to keep the peace with your lockdown buddies.

Foster kitten Storm demonstrates exhaustion.

I was doing things, like making masks for my neighborhood back when it was so hard to find them.

Masks, a must-have accessory.

We are still fostering cats and kittens. I’ve been reading. A lot. But nothing that really requires much getting off of my butt.

Lockdown buddies and sisters, foster kittens Mouse and Minnie.
Books I’ve read during quarantine on the left, Bob on the right. This doesn’t include the many audiobooks I listen to while crafting.

The basic answer: get active, and your energy will increase. The more you move, the better you’ll feel. I tried that. We pulled the trusty old treadmill out from behind the piles of stuff in the garage, and I set myself a goal to walk briskly every day. At first I was going for about 30 minutes, or the length of the show I was then watching on Netflix. (The Chef’s Line is a great cooking competition from Australia; highly recommended.)

Hosts/judges of The Chef’s Line. I love them all!

After I finished the only season of The Chef’s Line available on Netflix, I moved on to The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. What took me so long? I love this show!

If I had realized sooner that it’s from one of my favorite creative teams, Amy Sherman-Palladino and Dan Palladino, I would’ve been on board at the beginning. They are the team behind one of my favorite shows of all time, Gilmore Girls, and the short-lived-but-I-loved-it Bunheads.

I will never get tired of Gilmore Girls. Ever.
I wish more people had watched this charming show.

Another plus to Mrs. Maisel? Tony Shalhoub, star of another one of my all-time favorite shows, Monk.

Mr. Monk, you are my hero.

Tony Shalhoub plays Abe Weissman, Midge Maisel’s quirky and annoying yet lovable father.

Longer shows got me walking more, until I was doing at least 3 miles every day. I even lost 5 pounds (that I had gained earlier in the pandemic, thanks to a combination of being lazy and one of my other pandemic hobbies, cooking.)

And then California went up in flames. Again. If you doubt the reality of climate change, come to California. But bring a mask, not just for the pandemic but because breathing the air here is a bad idea idea right now. You can see, taste, and feel the air; it has texture. That is not a good thing.

That’s smoke; normally we can see out over Oakland.

So we stay indoors, whereas one of the things we did enjoy earlier while sheltering in place was our backyard, playing as novice gardeners and prettying up our little sanctuary space. We put up a little greenhouse, ordered vegetable seeds and starts, and optimistically puttered in our garden.

Grow little plants!

The garden has looked so pretty (until the heat and smoke and drought and…) that we got married out there! Virtual weddings are a thing now.

The altar in the backyard.
Bride and groom!
I even made a vegan wedding cake!

We jumped on the bread baking bandwagon. Thus the 5 pounds. Which I cannot afford. I already have a pretty significant amount to lose without bread weight! But it’s been delicious.

Bob bakes, and grows a Covid beard.

Finally getting to the title (I didn’t forget), Crafting My Way through Crises, I have been spending most of my time drawing, painting, and crafting. Nero might or might not have fiddled while Rome burned, but I am making art until I have to round up the animals to evacuate, if that becomes necessary.

Many organizations and artists have figured out using Zoom and other virtual meeting platforms to hold classes.

Zoom class in progress.
The results.

I subscribed for a while to The Crafter’s Box, and have many kits to work with, trying new things, like wood burning and paper quilling. Some didn’t go as planned, others were delightful surprises.

Basketry project gone awry.
Wood burning. Not too bad for a first try,
Paper quilling, a quiet, meditative craft.
Animals in colored pencil.

I even painted a mural on the storage closet doors out on our back deck.

Artist at work.

A group of dear friends started a collage group, where we send each other kits and post the results on Instagram. A lot of people are doing this; check out #collagein20 if you are interested in seeing more. Start your own group!

One of my collages for #collagein20

Now that I am not working, I have to budget carefully, but due to my acquisitive nature, I have art and craft supplies stockpiled to last me a while. And since exercise requires breathing and the air is chunky, I am back to sitting on my butt, making stuff. Miniature books. Mosaics. Who knows what else I might try!

Mosaic tray I am working on.
Sashiko embroidered pillow I made while watching the Democratic National Convention.
Miniature book.

One of the organization projects on my list has been my room that I don’t know what to call. Studio sounds like bragging. Office makes it sound serious. “My room” sounds like my teenage bedroom from the 1970s. I haven’t done much organizing, but I’ve done a lot of playing!

Here we are nearing the end of August. Our cars are ready if we need to evacuate from the fires. I’m still not sure how evacuation during a pandemic is supposed to work. Hopefully, I won’t find out first hand. In the meantime, I will be here fiddling, I mean crafting, while everything around me burns.

Peace and hugs. Stay safe.

And PLEASE, vote in the November election. Our country, our future, our lives depend on it.

Vote 2020 presidential election buttons; Creator: JasonDoiy | Credit: Getty Images/iStockphoto

I fall in love just a little bit

There’s so much going on that is hard to watch, to think about, to write about. The horrific fires raging in California and the loss of an entire town in moments. The continuing and mind-numbing idiocy and meanness spewing from our so-called President. The growth of homeless encampments across the Bay Area. There is so much to despair of in this world.

 

world falling apart
The world seems to be falling apart. (Image from The Odyssey Online.)

 

I feel so sad about Paradise; it’s a town I visited many times in the early 1980s when I lived in Chico. My ex-husband and I looked at houses to rent there. I remember one in particular, very 1960s with knotty pine paneling and cabinets. I still have a set of teaspoons I bought at a yard sale in Paradise.

 

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My Paradise yard sale spoons, bought for $1 in 1983.

 

With the high winds, the smoke and whatever bad stuff is in the smoke are inundating us here with unbreathable air.

 

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I feel like this is how I should be prepared to go outside. (Image from Brand Quarterly.)

 

On a personal level, our beloved 20-year old cat Sara passed away last week. She is missed. I feel the lack of her quiet presence. She was with me for a long time, through a lot of ups and downs. Our animal companions leave huge holes behind when they depart.

 

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Sara: July 4, 1998 – November 5, 2018

 

My heart hurts for so many humans and animals right now.

 

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Image from The Life I Didn’t Choose.

 

It’s my day off from work, and I’ve spent the entire day in pajamas, ensconced on the living room sofa with animals and portable entertainment. I’ve escaped to medieval Norway through my current read, Kristin Lavransdatter (Sigrid Undset, 1920).

 

 

 

I’ve binge watched RuPaul’s Drag Race.

 

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I’ve posted numerous photos to the kitten’s Instagram account. If you don’t follow Pugcat (pugcat_kitten) on Instagram, you are missing out on a lot of cuteness.

Pugcat
You know you want to follow me on Instagram.

 

For a while this morning, while I was drowing my sorrows in coffee (thanks to Barista Bob), we had music playing. Barista Bob put on a Spotify channel of acoustic, kinda folksy stuff. He knows how much a I like a melancholy singer/songwriter. This was how I discovered the song Someone New (2015) by Irish musician Andrew Hozier-Byrne, who goes by Hozier.

 

Hozier
Irish singer/songwriter Hozier.

 

Now, if you listen to or read the lyrics to the song, you wouldn’t think it would cheer me up and give me hope.

 

Someone New (2015, Andrew Hozier-Byrne and Sallay-Matu Garnett)
Go take this the wrong way
You knew who I was with every step that I ran to you
Only blue or black days
Electing strange perfections is in any stranger I chooseWould things be easier if there was a right way
Honey, there is no right way

And so I fall in love just a little ol’ little bit
Every day with someone new
I fall in love just a little ol’ little bit
Every day with someone new
I fall in love just a little ol’ little bit
Every day with someone new
I fall in love just a little ol’ little bit
Every day with someone new

There’s an art to life’s distractions
To somehow escape the burning weight
The art of scraping through
Some like to imagine
The dark caress of someone else I guess any thrill will do

Would things be easier
If there was a right way, honey there is no right way

And so I fall in love just a little ol’ little bit
Every day with someone new
I fall in love just a little ol’ little bit
Every day with someone new
I fall in love just a little ol’ little bit
Every day with someone new
I fall in love just a little ol’ little bit
Every day with someone new

I wake, at the first cringe of morning
And my heart’s already sinned
How pure, how sweet the love beneath it yeah
You would pray for him

‘Cause God knows I fall
In love just a little ol’ little bit
Every day with someone new
I fall in love just a little ol’ little bit
Every day with someone new
I fall in love just a little ol’ little bit
Every day with someone new
I fall in love just a little ol’ little bit
Every day with someone new
I fall in love just a little ol’ little bit
Every day with someone new
I fall in love just a little ol’ little bit
Every day

Love with every stranger, the stranger the better
Love with every stranger, the stranger the better
Love with every stranger, the stranger the better
Love with every stranger, the stranger the better

And so I fall in love just a little ol’ little bit
Every day with someone new
I fall in love just a little ol’ little bit
Every day with someone new
I fall in love just a little ol’ little bit
Every day with someone new
I fall in love just a little ol’ little bit
Every day with someone new

Maybe I am misreading the intent behind the words, but it does seem to be a song about infidelity. Howwever, me being me, I take a different slant on those words “I fall in love just a little ol’ little bit every day with someone new”. When I play that over and over in my head, which I probably will do for a long time given my susceptibility to ear worms, I hear something else. I hear about finding people who inspire you, who become heroes, who give you hope.

Superhero
Image from The Good Network.

 

I feel love for the heroes who inspire me, and I like to think I am inspired by someone new every day, falling in love just a little ol’ little bit.

 

love the world
Image from Love the World.

 

On a big scale, there are all of the heroes working and volunteering up in Butte County to fight the Camp Fire, to help evacuate people, to find places to shelter animals, to bring in needed donations. The daunting task of the firefighters and first responders is impossible to imagine. You are all my heroes.

 

fighters
While I sit on my sofa feeling sad, there are scores of brave women and men putting their lives on the line. Thank you. (AP Photo/Noah Berger.)

 

Today is Veterans Day in the United States (with the federal holiday observed tomorrow since today is a Sunday). The men, women, and animals  who have sacrificed in times of war–they can never be thanked enough. Yes, I said animals. Animals have been used from time immemorial to serve in our wars. Horses. Donkeys. Dogs. Pigeons. Not to mention all of the (humans and) animals who are unintended victims in war zones.

 

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Image from The Telegraph, Animals at War, in Pictures.

 

I have my personal heroes. One is Canadian photojournalist Jo-Anne McArthur, who documents the atrocities people commit in regard to animals.

 

 

Speaking of awe-inspiring Canadians, two words come to mind: Justin Trudeau. He’s young, cool, handsome. And he just made me love him a little ol’ little bit more when the video of his speech, given without an umbrella in the rain, honoring the war dead from a ceremony last year and how it played in contrast to Voldemort, I mean Trump, opting out of a ceremony he was scheduled for due to a light drizzle. Makes me want to parlay my name into an aim for acceptance for a life in Quebec. A girl can dream.

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“It wasn’t rain, it was bullets.”

Another is artist Chris Jordan, who also uses photography and film to bring awareness to the world around the devastating effects our actions have on the planet. I highly recommend his 2012 TED talk.

 

All of the people I work with and who volunteer at the East Bay SPCA are heroes. They work daily doing the unglamorous work of feeding, cleaning, and providing medical care to the dog and cats that come through the shelter. It is physically difficult, of course, but it can also take an emotional toll. Compassion fatigue is a very real battle.

compassion-fatigue-word-cloud
Word cloud image from Louise Wallis.

 

I’ve only come to appreciate until later in my life that my mother, although she made choices I didn’t agree with along the way, was a hero. Widowed in her 20s, with 4 small children, she managed to provide for us and give us a pretty good life. (Up until she married her 2nd husband, but that’s another story.) We all turned out pretty good.

My dear, gentle friend Molly is my hero. She lives a true life of compassion and caring for all creatures. It’s not just talk for Molly. It’s how she truly lives her life. I’m a better person for knowing her.

 

 

Heroes can come on a lighter note: people who cheer us up, make us laugh, make us feel better. A coworker did that for me yesterday, noticing I was doing something hard for me and giving me a pat on the back. Two different times during the day. And then opened my world up to RuPaul’s Drag Race (thus the binge watching) by introducing me to Jinkx Monsoon, from season 5, who inexplicably reminds said coworker of me. I’ve never been compared to a drag queen before. I’m not glamorous enough! Jinkx is fabulous. I can only aspire to such fabulousness. But I thank my coworker, who prefers to stay out of the limelight, immensely. I love her, and I love RuPaul, and I love Jinks now, too. Falling in love a little ol’ little bit every day with someone new…

 

 

 

I can’t NOT mention Bob, my ultimate hero. He puts up with me! Seriously, he is always supportive, encouraging me to try new challenges. He loves every animal I ever bring through the door. He has shown me so much of the world that I would never otherwise see. And he loves almost everything I cook, which always makes me feel good. Plus, he makes me coffee!

 

 

 

Fall in love a little ol’ little bit with someone new, someone who makes you realize that there is good in the world.  Try it. Open your mind and your heart. Find love in all the places that it exists. You’ll be glad you did.

 

hearts
My Colour-Bursting Heart, painting by Debra Wenlock.

Peace and hugs.

 

 

Hiding from the horrors of life

California is on fire, and I am hiding in my guest bathroom.

california-wine

Not from the fire, but from the despair I feel about the world right now. I’m not just sitting in the dark on the floor in the bathroom. I have the current foster cat family in with me. Or they are letting me hang out with them. It gives me comfort. But still, I consider it as hiding.

 

I want to help, but I don’t know how. My anxiety keeps me from making a move. I can easily donate money (not much, but some), but I want to DO something. Yet here I sit, playing with kittens, feeling defeated. The most I’ve done is obsessively share Facebook posts about resources for help. Cooking also gives me comfort. But instead of volunteering my services to help feed evacuees, I cook for the 2 of us, and we eat in front of television.

The things I “should” be doing today seem so unimportant. Folding laundry, who cares? I could be writing scholarly papers for school; my PhD is important to me of course, but I can’t focus on anything. It seems trivial when people are losing everything, some even losing their lives.

People do come forward to help in emergencies. Volunteers are helping at evacuation centers. Animal rescuers are helping find shelter and foster homes for displaced animals. Others are organizing donations of supplies for the evacuation centers and animal shelters. I want to be one of those people.

evac
Evacuation center at the Napa County Fairgrounds in Calistoga.

The world seems like it’s falling apart. The hurricanes and the continuing devastation left behind, especially in Puerto Rico. The Las Vegas shooter. The never ending issue of racism and inequity in this supposedly civilized country that treats its own people like garbage. A “president” who couldn’t care less about anyone but himself.

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Trump throws paper towels at the victims of Hurricane Maria in Puerto Rico.

It’s like the modern-day Fall of the Roman Empire, or how I imagine it.

fall-of-rome_2184860b

I was already feeling it. Whenever I drive around Oakland and Berkeley, I see more and more homeless encampments. Oakland is turning into Tent City. I despair for my own city and its people.

 

We’ve been watching the Ken Burns series on Vietnam, which I am finding so painful to watch. I am ashamed of how ignorant I am about the times in which I was born and raised. It hurts me to see the the death and destruction, not just of the American youth sent to fight a senseless war, but the countless civilian deaths of the Vietnamese on both sides of the fight. Children killing children. Hate mongering. Old white American men thinking of lives in terms of numbers and “kill ratios”, and continuing a war for their own egos.

Ken Burns.png

 

Vietnam PBS

And now a place I hold dear to my heart is being destroyed by fires. (Why can’t the idiots in power face up to climate change? It’s for real and the effects are being felt right now.) I lived and worked in the Napa and Sonoma areas not so long ago. I didn’t want to leave to live in Oakland, but life doesn’t always work out the way we think it will. I still have friends in the area, some of whom I know are safe as I write this. Others I haven’t heard anything about, and it scares me.

my backyard
The backyard of my former house in Napa, circa 2005.

And lest I get complacent thinking I’m safe, the fires continue to spread. I never think it couldn’t happen here. It did happen here. There was a fire not so long ago that destroyed a large swath of the area where I live now–the Oakland Hills Fire in 1991. It’s only about 40 miles from Oakland to Napa, and the fires are now approaching the rural area around Fairfield, among other places.

Oakland hills 1991
The Oakland Hills Fire of 1991.

I don’t have an emergency plan. We’ve never prepared any kind of earthquake kit (the usual recommendation in California) or thought through how we’d get all of the animals and ourselves safely out of here.

My heart is breaking for the world, but I bury my head in the sand. I care, and caring is a good first step, but sometimes we have to do something with that caring. It’s is too close to home this time.

Stay safe.